Between begging & belligerence: The psychology of getting customer service to help

One of the most essential life skills is the ability to persuade someone to do something that has a favourable outcome for ourselves. There is sophisticated psychology at work here. What is the incentive for the other person to do this activity? A cynical view that individuals are fundamentally self-centered and will act only in self-interest will inevitably condemn us to search for some leverage before interacting with anyone.

Fortunately, most humans do behave with a basic sense of decency - probably the source of cliches like 'faith in humanity' - and in most instances will accommodate others' needs and perform activities to benefit others. And, as with any population statistic, there is a spread for the 'helpfulness' index of individuals.

But if helping others is in the job description, then individuals in customer service should not be faced with any philosophical dilemma regarding whether to help. They are required to do this. Simple.


Yet, in our dealings with customer service, often there is frustration that instead of service we get short-changed, and customer care has to be interpreted as customer beware. Raised voices in varied settings such as banks, shopping malls, hotels and hospitals are a frequent reminder that the customer service pact has broken down.

This column isn't about the root causes of these inefficiencies, but rather about the tools available to us to persuade service professionals and secure a favourable outcome. How do we accomplish this when we are interacting for the first time with a person, and that too only for a matter of minutes?

The most cited research on persuasion is by psychologist Robert Cialdini. A partial list of dimensions - tactics that be used to persuade someone - includes:

Reciprocity: because it requires a give and take.

Commitment: because of a prior similar act or a promise.

Social proof and acceptance: because everyone else does it.

Authority: acting because of someone's command.

Liking: because the act is for a 'likeable' person.

Many of these tools require that the two individuals share several interactions and have substantial time for discussions. Real-life situations don't permit such extended dialogues. Even the most basic form of the reciprocity tactic, a tip, is possible only in certain instances, and that too not over the phone.

My experience is that routinely, the interaction is a see-saw between two tactics that are not named explicitly in the list: begging and belligerence. First ask politely, and even suppliantly. If that fails, or is taken as a sign of weaknesses, then shift into an aggressive mode and try to think of any power name-dropping, customer complaint threats, bad reviews, making a public scene - that can be brought to bear for a fast resolution. The first tactic could line up with the 'liking' dimension. The second is closely linked to 'authority'.

Often, the interaction starts with 'I'd really appreciate it if you can...,' and escalates to 'I want to speak to the manager!' There are utterances in-between of 'Please see how best you can help me out.' These altercations can raise one's temperature, and blood pressure. But reflection in the aftermath reveals the comical nature of using these two diametrically opposite tactics. It seems that the best outcome is achieved by striking a balance between letting the service agent feel some authority and agency in this transient relationship, while also restricting that authority by invoking a superior power.

Skills requiring such optimisation and finesse are not highlighted in any research. Mastery of these tools can only be achieved through repeated practice. Regrettably, the day-to-day provides more than enough opportunities to conduct multiple trials and to develop proficiency.

As gen-AI takes over these roles, either as auto-voice agents or as chat bots, the question is: will it remember that it is in the job description to help the customer, and not harass him or her? It doesn't have any statistical 'helpfulness' spread. But if persuasion tactics are still needed, will it yield to pleading or to power-play?