The existential dilemma: Subway’s breads take the cake

When does bread physically and legally turn into cake is a question that Marie Antoinette may not have bothered her powdered, coiffed (and doomed) head about, but judges do not have the excuse of ignorance afforded to aristocrats of yore.

Had the poor French queen known that sugar content is a deciding factor between batters and doughs, she could have headed off some terrible press by just saying ‘Let them to eat Subway bread’ instead.

After all, the Irish Supreme Court has recently decreed that all varieties of the sandwich chain’s loaves have more than the stipulated limit of sugar that would allow them to be still called bread — more than 2% of the weight of the flour included in the dough — therefore, making them liable to pay certain extra taxes.


The Irish verdict, however, also adds another dimension to the recent existential dilemma aided and abetted by lockdown ennui and fondant icing: is everything cake?

As confections become more and more realistic, not only can a pet, slipper, plant or toilet roll turn out to be a butterscotch sponge in disguise, a loaf(er) could most certainly turn out to be a choux pastry.

Indeed, there are several other sweet and savoury comestibles whose constitutions may conflict with what they self-identify as, so further legal sanction to allow them to be what they are may be needed.