Ask Dr. D: Did this rising Indian cricketer burn his hands with coffee?

Dear Dr D,
I was on the hot beverage show and said some stuff that my bosses have made me apologise for. That I have done. However, I have been thinking it over and cannot figure out exactly what was said that was offensive. Could you help? It will ensure that I do not make the same error again, assuming that I did make an error. I’m reproducing the transcript, okay?

Q: How do you sign autographs?
A: My option A is with my middle stump.


Q: Alleged rumour about you that wasn’t true?
A: That I had a threesome on tour... it was a foursome!

Q: Which came first? Chicken or egg?
A: I did.

Q: What would be the title of your autobiography?
A: Maybe just ‘Hard Times’.

Q: Where do you like fielding?
A: Deep, deep fine leg.

Q: What’s your fav movie?
A: Titanic. I’m the iceberg on which everything else goes down.

Thanks,
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
It would help you to watch the recording of your show in public, but with you facing the audience. Their reactions will give you the necessary information.

STATUTORY WARNING: This humour column is not for the weak-kneed or the thin-skinned.