Rapid rise of transfinancials

In the ever-expanding circus of identity, a new troupe has marched into the ring: transfinancials. These are people who, despite being loaded, insist they are trapped in the cruel husk of a poor person's body. This is Gucci dysphoria 101. Transfinancials suffer daily indignities. The agony of a hedge fund manager finding himself in a dhaba like a common commuter. Or a billionaire who feels spiritually impoverished every time he sees a 2-for-1 coupon. Their plight is real, they assure us, and society must recognise their truth: 'I may own Gulf Stream, but inside I am a man who deserves metro passes.'

Naturally, support groups have sprung up. Meetings involve cathartic exercises like pretending to split restaurant bills and rehearsing the phrase, 'Sorry, card declined.' Critics argue this is simply rich people cosplaying poverty. But transfinancials insist it's deeper. They want empathy, not irony. They want to be seen not as plutocrats but as misunderstood paupers with mistrust funds. The movement's slogan? 'We're not rich, just differently banked.' Expect loud marches soon, with placards reading, 'Down with wealth privilege - except mine.' In the end, the transfinancials may be the only minority who can afford their own oppression. And if you don't believe them, they'll sue you - with their lawyers, who, of course, also identify as broke.