Everyone's an idiot or a maniac (except you)

For those familiar with comedian-philosopher George Carlin, you should be familiar with one of his most pertinent observations: 'Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?' Carlinomics 101 gives you the ultimate explanation for everyone else being wrong, and you being right. You, of course, are the Goldilocks of business - neither too hot nor too cold, cruising at the perfect speed of rational profits. Which your balance sheets, you tell your investors, will definitely show 'soon'. In this AI moolah-blowing days (or Bira-guzzling years), a company that triples its valuation in a quarter is dismissed as a bubble-blowing lunatic, or a phalse pharaoh selling a pyramid scheme. Then there's the other sort of firm that posts actual modest profits, which is derided as 'plodding' for being 'scared to scale up'. The only sensible benchmark, obviously, is your own portfolio.

Economists, too, are guilty. Keynes was a 'maniac' for suggesting governments spend in recessions; Hayek an 'idiot' for insisting they tighten belts. Try telling that to a hedge fund manager stuck in traffic. In the dismal science, though, speed (economists call it 'growth') is judged not by the road but by the rearview mirror. Progress is finding the perfect 'velocity'. And that's called politics.