'Not a family ATM': Parents ask NRI son to fund brother's Rs 1.1 crore dream home after Rs 19 lakh wedding help. Responsibility or exploitation?

Families supporting each other financially is common, but questions about where support ends and unfair expectations begin often spark heated debates online. One such discussion has gone viral on Reddit after a man working abroad shared how he has spent years helping his family financially, only to be asked once again to contribute lakhs of rupees for a house that would legally belong to his elder brother.

In his post, the Reddit user explained that he had worked in India for six years before moving overseas three years ago. During his early career, he said money was tight and he lived "paycheck to paycheck." He also bought an apartment during his third year of employment and continued paying the EMI. According to him, his parents still live in that house.

The user added that his elder brother spent five years preparing for government jobs before eventually securing a position at a public sector bank.


He further revealed that he had already contributed heavily towards his brother's wedding. According to the post, he gave Rs 10 lakh and also lent another Rs 9 lakh so that the marriage would not begin with outside debt. He said the amount has not yet been repaid, though he added that he had not been insisting on repayment.

The situation, however, took another turn when his parents asked him to contribute towards buying an apartment for his brother.

Parents now want another Rs 15-20 lakh

The Reddit user said his parents had initially wanted him to make a Rs 40 lakh down payment for a Rs 1.1 crore apartment that would be registered entirely in his brother's name. He said he strongly opposed the proposal.

Around six months after his brother's marriage, the family returned with a revised request, asking him to contribute between Rs 15 lakh and Rs 20 lakh towards the same purpose.

The man also shared that over the years he had cleared several of his father's debts, supported the family financially during the COVID-19 period when his father's business suffered, and had been sending monthly allowances for the past nine years.

He ended his post by asking fellow Reddit users, "What am I missing?"

Reddit urges him to draw financial boundaries

The post quickly attracted hundreds of responses, with many users advising him not to agree to the request.

One of the most upvoted comments read, "First advice ofc would be to say no." The commenter added that if they were ever asked to fund a house purchase, they would insist on being listed on the property documents, saying, "Just insist on getting your name on the paper's of the house."

Another user warned that family dynamics can change over time and wrote, "Having proper documentation and contracts is the only safety net you have."

Several commenters argued that the Reddit user had already contributed more than enough. One response said, "Rule 3. Grow a spine and learn to say no. You are not your family's ATM."

Another popular comment advised him to think about his own future instead, writing, "Your brother is an adult, he can figure out his own finances and if he cannot, he should learn to live within his means."

Responding to the discussion, the original poster said the emotional aspect hurt him more than the financial burden.

"You've wonderfully put it down..for me the most depressing thing is not the finances but the utter lack of love towards me," he wrote.

He claimed his parents frequently visited his brother after he got a government job, buying household appliances and helping him settle in, while they had never come to see how he was living after he left home for work.