KYKIA Saas Ka Bhi Kabhi KYC Tha

Banks, in their finite wisdom with a 7.5% interest rate, invented KYC: Know Your Customer. (And the chicken did come before the egg, since KFC predates KYC by 72 yrs.) It's a noble idea: prove you exist, that you're not laundering money through your grandmother's jaagran group, and recite your date of birth as if it was Kipling's 'If-'. They want your Aadhaar, electricity bill, blood type, and a notarised selfie with your last three ex-es. But the true test of endurance comes not with paperwork but with the helpline call. Because lurking in every call centre cubicle is the dreaded KIA: Know It All.

This species thrives on interrupting you mid-sentence to explain things you didn't ask about. Or go absolutely quiet, making you think you've been left holding the can. You call to report a stolen card, and suddenly you're trapped in a lecture on the history of magnetic strips. You ask about late fees, and they're quoting Aristotle on the ethics of debt. The KIA will insist your problem is not a problem - 'Not a problem, ma'am'. So, while banks demand KYC to prove you're a moderately decent human, the helpline ensures you question that very humanity. Perhaps the next regulatory reform should be KYKIA: Know Your Know-It-All, a mandatory disclosure where the agent admits, 'I don't know, but I will still talk for 45 minutes.' Have a nice day.