'Cooking is so relaxing,' Oh, shut up

You have all those folks from their modular kitchens say how cooking is therapeutic. They also say things like 'hot yoga,' 'juice cleanse' and 'vision board.' So, let's approach their advice with tongs and oven mittens, shall we? Cooking, we're told, is a soulful journey of self-care, a dance with ingredients, a sacred alchemy of scent and spice... and all other such saccharine silliness that sound like Hallmark and ChatGPT have entered a JV. Such enthusiasm is all very fine-until you've diced five onions and are weeping from chemical warfare after putting too much haldi in the dal.

Who decided that sauteing onions at 8 pm counts as 'unwinding'? Nothing says relaxation like a grease pop to the eye and an alarming number of sputtering things to keep an eye on simultaneously. Add to that a sink filled with judgmental dishes and a chopping board that smells of garlic that all the perfumes of Arabia won't be able to 'sweeten'. And recipes. No one warns you that 'simple' palak paneer or mutton rogan josh requires alchemical skills. By the time you've located saffron in your pantry, your 'quick dinner' has become a three-act tragedy. So, barring enthusiasts who can swoon-relax while turning the ladle, let's not force the 'joys of cooking' on those who are reminded of their high school chemistry practicals each time they enter a kitchen.