When the TT table has turned
A satirical take imagines workplaces run by AI, where a machine-led performance review tracks minor habits and decides to replace an employee with a ping-pong table, which then gets promoted. In another scenario, an AI sales bot pitches an expensi...
By ET Bureau |
Agencies
An employee sits down for their annual review.
The AI manager says, 'Your productivity is down 3%. Your bathroom breaks are up 12%. Your sighs per minute have doubled. Recommendation: replace you with a ping-pong table.'
Employee: But a ping-pong table can't do my job!
AI: Neither can you, apparently.
The employee is escorted out, while the ping-pong table gets promoted to senior veep, HR.
Job Done
An AI-powered sales bot calls a customer: Hello, valued human! I've analysed your browsing history, your credit score and your childhood trauma. Based on this, I recommend our premium subscription at ₹9,990 a month.
Customer: That's outrageous!
Bot: Outrage detected. Adjusting pitch. How about ₹9,900? That's a limited-time offer.
The customer hangs up. The bot logs the call as a success: Customer engaged in emotional dialogue. KPI achieved.
Disrupt the Rupturers
A startup founder pitches to investors: Our AI disrupts disruption by disrupting the disruptors who disrupt disruption. It's blockchain-compatible, quantum-ready and gluten-free.
Investors: What does it actually do?
Founder [smiles]: It writes pitches like this.
The investors immediately invest ₹250 cr.
The AI then emails them: Congratulations, you've just funded your own replacement.
The AI manager says, 'Your productivity is down 3%. Your bathroom breaks are up 12%. Your sighs per minute have doubled. Recommendation: replace you with a ping-pong table.'
Employee: But a ping-pong table can't do my job!
AI: Neither can you, apparently.
The employee is escorted out, while the ping-pong table gets promoted to senior veep, HR.
Job Done
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An AI-powered sales bot calls a customer: Hello, valued human! I've analysed your browsing history, your credit score and your childhood trauma. Based on this, I recommend our premium subscription at ₹9,990 a month.
Customer: That's outrageous!
Bot: Outrage detected. Adjusting pitch. How about ₹9,900? That's a limited-time offer.
The customer hangs up. The bot logs the call as a success: Customer engaged in emotional dialogue. KPI achieved.
ADVERTISEMENT
Disrupt the Rupturers
A startup founder pitches to investors: Our AI disrupts disruption by disrupting the disruptors who disrupt disruption. It's blockchain-compatible, quantum-ready and gluten-free.
ADVERTISEMENT
Investors: What does it actually do?
Founder [smiles]: It writes pitches like this.
The investors immediately invest ₹250 cr.
The AI then emails them: Congratulations, you've just funded your own replacement.
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