The long goodbye

A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.

His wife asks, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' sighs the husband. 'She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'


'My God!' says the wife. 'Who would think a person  could go on celebrating that long?'

It Ain't the Paint
A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls. The handyman was wearing two heavy coats on a hot Delhi summer day.

Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the coats on such a hot day. The handyman showed him the instructions on the can of paint. They read: 'For best results, put on two coats.'