Why Do Some Coworkers Ask for Referrals While Complaining About Their Team? The Psychology Behind This Confusing Workplace Habit

It is not unusual for an employee to walk up to another employee and ask for a job referral, while at the same time speaking in a negative way about their team. This, although it may seem like a simple request, has led to a state of discomfort and hesitation for the person being asked.

This is a confusing situation, as the person is looking for support and connection, yet at the same time is showing criticism, which could be viewed as unprofessional and not loyal to the team.

Why employees mix referrals with criticism

According to research, this is not random but is connected to how people seek to portray themselves in competitive environments. A research article posted on Springer states that, in some cases, people may criticize their team as a way of portraying themselves in a better light, which is classified as self-enhancement behavior.


In other words, when someone criticizes their team, they may be attempting to say that they are better and more competent than their environment, and this may make them feel that they look better to potential employers or helpful contacts. This is mostly in a high-pressure environment where people feel they have to prove their worth at all times.

Psychologists have also linked it to certain personality traits, including mild narcissistic tendencies, whereby an individual is obsessed with keeping their positive image. In the same Springer study, it is suggested that detaching oneself from an allegedly weak or troubled team is an attempt to boost one’s status within society or the workplace.

This does not necessarily imply that the person is mentally challenged, but it is an extension of the general human behavior of highlighting their positive attributes while diverting the focus away from negative traits that would detract from their perceived value. This can manifest itself while at work, where an employee will often criticize their colleagues while promoting themselves.

How coworkers usually interpret this behavior

From the perspective of the individual who receives the referral request, they tend to be less than supportive. This is evident from the research published in arXiv, which shows that this type of behavior is considered unprofessional by the employees and, as a result, they may not be as cooperative and willing to assist.

When an individual talks negatively about their own team, it creates a sense of concern regarding their behavior in a different environment and whether they will end up repeating the same behavior in another environment. This creates a sense of mistrust, and in professional networks, it is this sense of trust that determines whether an individual receives a referral or not.

The role of trust is significant with regard to the dynamics of relationships at the workplace, and once it is breached, it can spread rapidly throughout the entire group. A research article published by BMC Psychology stated that perceived disloyalty, along with negative communication, can cause employees to distance themselves from each other.

If an employee sees another person criticizing their group, they will likely not trust that person, which can cause them to limit their opportunities or even exclude them from their networks.

The referral dilemma employees face

This places the co-workers in a dilemma where they have to decide whether to assist or protect their own interests. Assisting someone might mean being associated with a person who might have a negative influence on the co-workers in the future, whereas not assisting might be considered callous.

According to various research studies, in situations where there is a lack of trust, the best option for co-workers is to be cautious, and this might have a direct influence on the number of opportunities for the individual seeking assistance.

At a larger level, this type of behavior could also point to underlying problems in the organization. If negative talk and exit seeking are common, it could point to underlying issues such as poor morale or unresolved issues within the company.

A study from arXiv indicates that if such behavior becomes the norm, it could cause a reduction in the cohesiveness and productivity of the group, as the negativity starts to seep into the way employees look at their colleagues and the working environment.

Understanding the pattern

Although this type of behavior can be very frustrating and puzzling, it is easier to understand when viewed from a psychological and social perspective. Employees who ask for referrals and criticism at the same time are likely to be attempting to improve their image, seek support, and advance in their careers, although in a way that can be very harmful to the relationship.

Understanding this relationship helps to clarify the discomfort associated with these interactions and the hesitation to assist, even when the request is reasonable.