When A Coworker Suddenly Becomes Overly Friendly Before Asking For A Favour: What to Watch For

Sometimes, there are instances at the workplace where the conversation seems warm but not quite fitting into the norm. For instance, a colleague who always communicates in a straightforward manner suddenly starts lingering on the talk, complimenting you, or becoming overly friendly. Initially, it appears like a welcome development. Everything seems effortless, the mood is relaxed, and one even finds oneself forming connections where none existed previously. However, as expected, this is soon followed by an inevitable request.

You Start Noticing a Pattern Behind Increased Warmth

Such behavior represents a concept referred to by psychologists as ingratiation. According to research conducted by The Decision Lab and Psychological Science, people tend to become likable deliberately just before asking for something. Friendliness does not have to be fake; however, it matters when it comes. Praise, agreeing, and small talk happen just before requesting anything. Thus, the nature of the whole interaction seems premeditated rather than accidental. This realization doesn’t come right away. It is often when something happens a couple of times that the pattern emerges. It is not constant in all situations. It surfaces more during the build-up to the request, and then subsides thereafter.

Why Does This Approach Work?

This can be attributed partly to the way people react to social signals. According to research published in the journal Psychological Science, there is evidence that people respond well to the principle of reciprocity, whereby a person is more likely to reciprocate kindness or attention received. Small acts such as agreeing and showing appreciation change the atmosphere in a conversation. Asking for a favor at this point doesn't sound out of place. It sounds like a follow-up to a conversation that has been positive all through. Asking someone to do you a favor entails some vulnerability, according to psychologist Joachim Krueger. By creating warmth before asking for a favor, the tone of the conversation changes completely.

Awareness Starts Changing the Experience

When the pattern becomes evident, things change for the individual. The seemingly innocent kindness one may have encountered before now takes on a whole new dimension. According to studies by Psychology Today, when the patterns are recognized, there is an increased level of unease that arises not because of the extent of the kindness but rather because of the different perception of intention behind the action. It is at this point where the simple compliment takes on an entirely new dimension altogether. This is, however, not necessarily a bad experience. There may be instances where the encounters eventually make the person become familiar with the other.

How Do You Find the Line Between Genuine and Strategic?

The complicated thing about this interaction is that it is not all on one side of the spectrum. Friendliness may be real and calculated simultaneously. The difference comes in the continuity of the response. Whenever friendliness is shown during times that have something to do with a request, it will start becoming more obvious. But whenever it is present in various situations, it will become more genuine. It may not influence any kind of response from others, but it will add a level of understanding to their daily activities.