Quote of the day by author Brad Blanton: ‘Most of us would rather kill ourselves than be, particularly if…’ – American psychotherapist on identity, truth and becoming someone new

There is a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from constantly trying to remain the person you once believed you were. A successful person can become trapped in being “successful”; the strong person may feel unable to admit weakness; someone known for always having the answers can struggle to say, “I don't know.”

American psychotherapist and author Brad Blanton built much of his work around this conflict between the person we present to the world and the person we actually experience ourselves to be. His provocative philosophy of radical honesty challenged the idea that protecting an image of ourselves necessarily makes life easier.

Quote of the day by Brad Blanton: “Most of us would rather kill ourselves than be, particularly if who we think we are keeps dying. Many of us do.”


The quotation appears in his book Radical Honesty: How to Transform Your Life by Telling the Truth.

Who is Brad Blanton?

Blanton is a psychotherapist, author and seminar leader whose work centers on honesty, stress, relationships and the psychological identities people construct for themselves. Publisher Penguin Random House describes him as an expert on stress management, while noting that he also served as a seminar leader and twice ran as an independent candidate for the US House of Representatives.

According to accounts of his work, Blanton came to believe that many of his psychotherapy clients were suffering because they concealed thoughts and feelings from people around them. He developed group exercises around confronting those withheld truths and later turned the approach into workshops and retreats. Blanton's philosophy was never presented as conventional etiquette or gentle self-help. His approach deliberately challenged social conventions surrounding politeness, reputation and emotional restraint.

The book that made radical honesty his signature idea

Blanton first self-published Radical Honesty in 1994, after reportedly being rejected by several publishers. A commercial edition followed in 1996 through Dell. The book argues that people create psychological burdens by concealing what they think, feel and do, and presents truth-telling as a way of escaping what Blanton described as a self-created mental prison.

The book became the foundation of his broader work and was later followed by Practicing Radical Honesty: How to Complete the Past, Live in the Present, and Build a Future with a Little Help from Your Friends. Blanton's writing repeatedly returned to the relationship between honesty, identity and freedom.

What does the quote mean?

The phrase “who we think we are keeps dying” can be understood as a reference to the repeated collapse of old versions of ourselves.

A person who has always defined themselves by their career may struggle after retirement. Someone who built their identity around being needed may feel lost when their children become independent. A person who was once certain about their beliefs may experience an unsettling sense of emptiness when those beliefs change.

Blanton's argument is that people can become so attached to these identities that they would rather preserve the familiar image than confront the uncertainty of simply “being.”

In this sense, “being” means existing without constantly having to defend a fixed story about who you are.

That idea is closely connected to the central argument of Radical Honesty: Blanton believed that maintaining appearances and concealing thoughts could keep people trapped in identities they were trying to protect.

More quotes by Brad Blanton

“Tell the truth. All the time. About everything. What's the alternative to radical honesty? Waste. Wasted time, wasted money, wasted possibilities, a wasted life.”

“Love is when you let someone be the way they are.”

“When the truth changes from your speaking, you know you've spoken the truth.”

The uncomfortable lesson behind his words

Blanton's philosophy ultimately asks a difficult question: What remains when the identity you have spent years protecting no longer fits?

His answer was not to build an even stronger identity, but to become more comfortable with uncertainty and truth. That does not mean abandoning ambition, relationships or personal values. Rather, it means recognizing that none of these things has to become a permanent definition of the self.

That is what gives his quote its unsettling force. Sometimes the hardest thing is not changing who we are, but accepting that we are allowed to become someone different.