Psychology says people who talk about themselves in the third person may be doing something surprisingly smart

You may have caught yourself saying something like, “Come on, Daniel, you can do this,” or “You need to calm down.” At first, talking to yourself using your own name or words such as “you” can sound unusual. But psychology suggests that this form of third-person or non-first-person self-talk may serve an important cognitive function. Rather than simply being a quirky habit, it can create psychological distance, allowing people to think about their own problems somewhat like they would think about another person's problems.

Researchers including psychologist Ethan Kross have studied this phenomenon extensively. Their findings suggest that changing the language people use when talking to themselves can influence emotional regulation, stress appraisal and self-control.

Psychology Says Third-Person Self-Talk Can Create Psychological Distance

Most people naturally think about themselves using first-person language: “Why am I so nervous?” or “I can't handle this.”


Third-person self-talk changes that perspective: “Why is she so nervous?” or “Why is Daniel worried about this?” The situation has not changed. But the psychological perspective has.


Kross and colleagues describe this as self-distancing, creating some mental separation between the experiencing self and the observing self. Their 2014 research involved seven studies with 585 participants and found that using one's own name or non-first-person pronouns enhanced self-distancing. Participants also showed less distress during stressful social situations and were more likely to appraise upcoming stressors as challenges rather than threats.

Psychology Says Your Own Name Can Make You Think More Like an Adviser

Consider a friend who tells you, “I'm terrified about tomorrow's interview.” You might naturally respond, “You have prepared. Just focus on what you can control.”

You are capable of giving your friend relatively calm advice because you are psychologically outside their immediate emotional experience. Third-person self-talk can create a similar shift toward an observer perspective.

Instead of thinking, “Why am I panicking?” someone might ask, “Why is John panicking about this interview?” The person is still thinking about themselves, but the wording encourages them to examine the situation from a little more distance.

Research by Özlem Ayduk and Ethan Kross found that people who spontaneously adopted greater self-distancing while reflecting on negative experiences showed lower emotional and cardiovascular reactivity. They also tended to reconstruct experiences rather than simply replaying them.

Psychology Says This Can Help Interrupt Rumination

One reason third-person self-talk may feel useful is its relationship with rumination. Rumination involves repeatedly focusing on distress, its causes and consequences without necessarily moving toward a solution.

For example, an immersed thought might sound like:

“Why did I say that? Why did I embarrass myself? What is wrong with me?” A more distanced version could become:

“Why did she say that? What can she learn from what happened?”

The second approach encourages reconstruction and problem-solving rather than simply replaying the emotional experience. Research on self-distancing has found that greater psychological distance can reduce emotional reactivity and intrusive thinking following negative experiences.

Psychology Says Third-Person Self-Talk May Help Regulate Stress

This is where the research becomes particularly interesting. In experiments by Kross and colleagues, participants preparing for stressful situations such as public speaking used either first-person or non-first-person language to reflect on the upcoming challenge.

Those using non-first-person self-talk performed better according to objective observers, experienced less distress and engaged in less maladaptive post-event processing. They also tended to view stressful situations more as challenges than threats.

Imagine someone thinking before a job interview:

“I am going to mess this up.”

Changing that to: “You have prepared for this. What does Daniel need to remember?”

can subtly transform the internal conversation from emotional immersion into coaching. The person becomes both the athlete and the coach.

Psychology Says Your Brain May Process “You” Differently From “I”

Neuroscientific research provides another intriguing explanation.

In a study led by psychologist Jason Moser, participants reflected on negative images and autobiographical memories using either first-person language or their own names. Third-person self-talk reduced an electrophysiological marker of emotional reactivity and was associated with reduced activity in the medial prefrontal cortex, a region involved in self-referential processing.

The researchers concluded that third-person self-talk may facilitate emotional regulation without requiring additional cognitive-control processes. That does not mean saying your name magically switches off anxiety.

It suggests that the linguistic framing itself can influence how the brain processes emotionally significant information.

Psychology Says Third-Person Self-Talk Can Make Future Problems Feel More Manageable

The effect is not limited to memories. Researchers have also examined third-person self-talk when people are worried about uncertain future events. In one study involving concern about Ebola, participants who used third-person self-talk showed reduced worry and risk perception and demonstrated more rational thinking about the threat.

This is consistent with the broader idea of cognitive reappraisal and self-distancing: changing how a person mentally frames an experience can alter how threatening it feels.

Someone facing a difficult presentation might therefore shift from:

“I cannot handle this.”

to:

“You've handled difficult presentations before. What is the next step?”

The problem remains, but the person has moved from being completely immersed in it toward evaluating it.

Psychology Says Talking to Yourself Is Not Automatically a Sign Something Is Wrong

Self-talk itself is extremely common. People mentally rehearse conversations, give themselves instructions, motivate themselves, evaluate decisions and regulate emotions. Research on inner dialogue describes self-talk as serving multiple cognitive functions, including emotion regulation, coping, perspective-taking and behavioral control.

The important distinction is between ordinary self-directed speech and experiences involving voices perceived as coming from an external source or a loss of control over one's thoughts. Those experiences are clinically different and should not be confused with deliberately talking to oneself.

For most people, saying “Come on, you can do this” is simply another form of internal coaching.

Psychology Says The Way You Talk to Yourself Can Change How You See Yourself

People who regularly use third-person self-talk may be doing something psychologically sophisticated without consciously knowing it. They are creating a small gap between the person experiencing the emotion and the person evaluating it.

That gap can make it easier to regulate anger, prepare for stressful situations, challenge catastrophic thoughts and make decisions.

So the next time someone says, “You need to calm down,” while clearly talking to themselves, there is no need to assume they are being strange.

Psychology suggests they may simply be stepping outside their immediate emotional experience, turning their inner voice into something closer to a supportive adviser.

FAQs

Is talking to yourself in the third person normal?Yes. Self-talk is a common cognitive process, and research suggests that using one's own name or non-first-person pronouns can sometimes support emotion regulation and self-distancing.

Why do people call themselves by their own name when stressed?Using one's own name can create psychological distance, making it easier to evaluate a stressful situation from an observer-like perspective rather than becoming completely immersed in the emotion.