Quote of the day by Stephen Levine: ‘Our suffering is caused by holding on to how things might have been…’; life lesson on how to cope with grief, not be overwhelmed by regret from American poet-author

What is life if not marked by regrets? We all make decisions which we come to regret dearly later but spend a lifetime thinking how we should not have taken those decisions – we said something inflammatory which hurt people you love, or took a decision which at the time seemed calculated or clever but led us to lose a lot of money. But there’s no point in being obsessed over spilt water and reflecting on could have beens and what ifs. In a chat with The Sun, author Stephen Levine explained the futility of spending hours on past decisions we bitterly regret. We often think back about the past, imagining what might have happened if we had made different choices, missed chances, or lived a life that went a different way. These thoughts can reopen past hurts and stop us from fully living in the now. Grief doesn't just happen when someone dies or when we lose something big; it can also be part of everyday life as we say goodbye to people, dreams, places, and chances.

Quote Of The Day By Stephen Levine

In an interview with The Sun, the author said, "Our suffering is caused by holding on to how things might have been, should have been, or could have been.”

Deeper Meaning Of The Quote

The quote shares a timeless lesson on how human beings are often the cause of their own suffering. Life doesn't usually go exactly as we picture it, and when we hold on to what could have been, we keep looking back at a past that's out of reach and comparing it to the present. This brings about a calm kind of sadness for relationships that changed, dreams that weren't achieved, chances that are gone, and parts of ourselves that are no longer there. The author is not telling us to not acknowledge our grief, but not letting it rule us. When we accept that the past cannot be rewritten, we stop imagining the possibilities and learn to accept and be grateful for what we have.

Relevance Of The Quote

The quote is deeply relevant today, as people still spend their lives regretting how their lives and their circumstances could have changed or been different. We might feel sad about a relationship that didn't work out, a chance we didn't take, a dream that didn't come true, or a choice we wish we could go back and change. Social media can make this feeling worse by always showing picture-perfect versions of other people's lives, which can make our own choices look less good. The quote reminds us that thinking too much about how things could have been different in the past can stop us from enjoying the present completely.

The author is not telling us to ignore the wound or dismiss the grief but to use it as a learning experience and learn to live with it. Since we cannot alter the past or undo the consequences of a poor decision, what we can do is to learn from our mistakes and become wiser.

Who Is Stephen Levine?

Stephen Levine was an eminent American author and poet. He often wrote think pieces on death and dying. He was one of the few intellectuals in USA to popularise teachings of Theravada Buddhism. Like the writings of his colleague and close friend, Ram Dass, who was once known as Richard Alpert, Stephen's work is also influenced by the devotional practices and teachings, which are called Bhakti Yoga, from the Hindu Guru Neem Karoli Baba.

Often known to contemplate about death, Levine and his wife, Ondrea, spend one year living as if it was their last. Levine, who spent many years counselling sexual abuse survivors and Vietnam War veterans, claimed that grief and how we live with it is a lifelong process. “"Our ordinary, everyday grief" accumulates as a response to the "burdens of disappointments and disillusionment, the loss of trust and confidence that follows the increasingly less satisfactory arch of our lives,” he once exclaimed.

He also stated that when our loved one dies, we tend to spend time immersing ourselves in regret even more than ever.

Levine passed away in 2016. He was 78.