Dr. D's column: Not half way through his term, Trump has porn stars, hush money making headlines

Dear Dr D,

How tough can it be for people to get their facts right? The President has sent me in to save the day on this Stormy front and I did this on his behalf across every news channel. But now I’m being blamed for making things worse with my explanations. Of course, I didn’t! People have misquoted me. Here’s my quotes and my explanations:

- ‘The President knew about the hush money paid to his girlfriend’ (I said ‘the President NEW about the hush money’. Meaning he absolutely had no idea before!)
- ‘It’s possible that other women were paid from this fund.’ (I didn’t mean ‘women’ - I meant hookers, porn stars and playmates!)
- ‘$130,000 is not a lot of money’ (it’s not. It’s only Rs 87 lakh)
- ‘The President funnelled the hush money through the law firm’ (now there’s absolutely nothing wrong in saying this)
- ‘The President is thinking of taking the Fifth (‘I didn’t mean Fifth Amendment; I meant taking a fifth wife’).
- ‘Russian cash going to the President’s attorney was, er, hey! What’s that shiny thing there?’ (This is entirely self-explanatory!)

So there is it, Dr B. Whaddya think about my performance as fidei defensor?

R Giuliani NY, NY

Dear Mr Giuliani,
You are entirely comprehensible and in fact transparent. Please don’t stop. This is far too entertaining. And we’re not even through half the President’s term. Porn stars, Russian hookers, oligarchs, Putin, hush money. The world cannot wait to see what the next two years bring.

STATUTORY WARNING: This humour column is not for the weak-kneed or the thin-skinned