Dr D advises Pablo Escobar's brother against taking on Elon Musk

He is one of the leading doctors in the country. He values his privacy (but not of his clients).

Dear Dr D,

Me and my brother Pablo Escobar burned a lot of money. I mean literally: We set a billion dollars alight. There was too much of it and it got boring beyond a point, and it didn’t stop coming in while the coke trade flourished… anyway, to make the disposal more entertaining, I designed a flamethrower. I planned on marketing it to others with the same problem.


And then I discovered that someone had ripped off the idea from me. To that thief I sent this message: “@ElonMusk we both know you stole from me… Remember, in the 1980s you were a small baby boy while I was running the world. Now you made a few billion, even 20 billion, that is what I made in two good weeks my friend. Let’s settle this like gentleman. Send me the Tesla Shares to Escobar Inc.”

To which he told me to get lost. His product is called ‘Not a Flamethrower’ but the idea is clearly mine. How do I force him to give me my share of his money?


R Escobar,
Cartagena

Dear Mr Escobar,
Talk about first world problems. I would advise against taking on Elon Musk. Even drug dealers will find that he’s dangerous. Secondly, the more money that he has the better our planet is off for it for all including you. Thirdly and most importantly, why do you want money if you’re only going to burn it?

*STATUTORY WARNING: This humour column is not for the weak-kneed or the thin-skinned.

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