Ask Dr.D: Did the recent car crash take a toll on Prince Philip's memory?

Dear Dr D,
I am 97 but totally fit and aware of all the... where was I? Oh yes, I’m 97 and it has been a great ride so far. Life is swell in Buckingham Palace and Windsor Castle.

As I was saying I am totally fit and fully aware of... wait. Is this about my driving? Yes it is. Oh yes. Let me start again. I’m 97 and crashed my car and hurt some people. I’m totally fine however — good health! Anyway, the police is making inquiries and there is talk of prosecution and allegations of irresponsible behaviour... was it that mad party in ’42 that they are referring to? Oh dear that was quite a bash... bash reminds me about my driving.


You see I overturned the Land Rover and hit some people. I’m not hurt however, so it’s all good. But now they’ve made me give my licence. I think I’ll miss driving. You see I’m 97 and so I’ve been driving for, let’s see, 17 years. No wait. Should it be 85? Maybe 42. Oh yes, it was in ’42. That was a terrific party. What do you say, Doc?

HE Prince Philip, Buckingham Palace

Dear Philip,
I say it’s fine. You’ve lived a rich and long life. Now it’s time to Netflix and chill. I recommend The Crown. It will help jog the memory.

(STATUTORY WARNING: This humour column is not for the weak-kneed or the thin-skinned.)