Newbie's guide to footie: If the World Cup hooked you, here's what comes next

For a month-and-ahalf, football has been messing with your sleep cycles, your eating habits, your daily schedules. The kick-off whistle was your alarm clock, your nightmares were in yellow and red, your days and nights segued seamlessly into one endless carnival of football.

But just as abruptly, it’s over. For most casual fans, their relationship with the beautiful game comes around once every four years, and ends in less than 40 days.

But if the World Cup piqued your interest, there is good news: The regular season gets underway later this month.


Here’s our primer on all you need to know to ditch the casual tag and become a proper football fan.

THE BIG 5

1. English Premier League
The richest league in the world, the Premier League, gets its wealth thanks to lucrative broadcast deals it has cracked and hosts 11 of the 30 richest clubs in the world. All that money power results in a lot of exciting matchups, with almost every team capable of defeating every other team.

Key players: Erling Haaland (Manchester City), Declan Rice (Arsenal), Bruno Fernandes (Manchester United), Morgan Rogers (Chelsea), Dominik Szoboszlai (Liverpool)

2. Spanish La Liga
The English league makes the most money, but Real Madrid is the most successful club on the continent, with a record 16 European titles, while Barcelona has immense pull due to its history and legacy. Breaking their duopoly is Atletico Madrid, which has won the league title twice in the past decade.

Key players: Lamine Yamal, Ferran Torres (Barcelona), Kylian Mbappé, Vinicius Jr (Real Madrid), Julián Alvarez (Atletico Madrid), Nico Williams (Athletic Bilbao)

3. Italian Serie
A Until the mid-2000s, the Italian league was the jewel in football’s crown. But today, Italian clubs don’t have the financial might to keep up pace with English and Spanish giants. Today, the league still has some interesting matches, but it’s known more for being a retirement home for players past their prime.

Key players: Lautaro Martinez (Inter Milan), Luka Modric´ (AC Milan), Kevin de Bruyne (Napoli), Nico Paz (Como)

4. French Ligue 1 and German Bundesliga
Ok, we’re merging two leagues. But there are clear parallels between the two, which make it somewhat understandable. Both are historic football countries with a proud tradition, but both are oneclub leagues of sorts: Paris Saint-Germain in France and Bayern Munich in Germany. While PSG has won 12 out of the last 14 league titles, Bayern has clinched 13 out of the last 14. Both clubs appear nailedon favourites to clinch the title again this year, meaning the only thing that really counts for them is success in the Champions League.

Key players: Ousmane Dembélé, João Neves, Khvicha Kvaratskhelia (Paris SaintGermain), Folarin Balogun (Monaco), Ayyoub Bouaddi (Lille), Harry Kane, Michael Olise, Jamal Musiala (Bayern Munich)

5. UEFA Champions League aka Big Daddy
This is the one that top clubs really lust after. Qualification for the Champions League is through a merit-based system — the top clubs from domestic European leagues qualify. Most of the clubs you’ve read about until now are expected to participate this year, in what promises to be one of the most evenly contested editions in recent years.

While European club football remains the holy grail, there are several smaller leagues around the world that are picking up pace on the back of increased spending. The Saudi Pro League made a big splash by signing key players, including Cristiano Ronaldo, a few years ago. In the US, the MLS will be hoping that Lionel Messi’s star power will make people come back for more.

TV GUIDE

When And Where to Watch
Matches are usually held on Saturday and Sunday nights, though midweek games aren’t uncommon. Most games tend to be held in the European afternoons, so make for primetime viewing in India. The EPL, in particular, will feature kick-offs between 5 pm and 12 am, IST. Mid-week games will start and end much later, especially in winter due to the end of daylight saving. If you’re interested in those games, be prepared to stay up till 3.30 am — with a cup of strong coffee and a mind full of excuses to be used at work the next day.

The leagues will start around the third week of August and will continue till the end of May 2027. Different leagues are broadcast on different networks. The EPL will be on Hotstar and Star Sports; La Liga is on FanCode; Serie A and French Ligue 1 on GXR; and the German Bundesliga will be on Zee5 and Unite8 Sports, and the Champions League will be on Sony.

LINGO FOR DUMMIES

A list of common terms you can throw around at your next watch party and impress friends

xG and xA

Official definition: ‘Expected goals’ and ‘expected assists’. Actual meaning: Terms invented by nerdy fans who were reading data instead of watching football. Back three Official definition: A formation that uses three defenders.
Actual meaning: The name of Manchester United fans’ PTSD after a year of suffering Ruben Amorim’s tactics.

Amortisation

Official definition: A player’s transfer fee divided by the length of the contract.
Actual meaning: Something most fans learnt about after Chelsea started handing out super-lengthy contracts that may see players enjoy a comfortable retirement.

FFP/PSR

Official definition: Financial Fair Play and Profit and Sustainability Rules
Actual meaning: A method to ensure rich clubs get richer while the poor get poorer.

Haraamball

Official definition: The overly defensive tactics of a ‘safety-first’ manager.
Actual meaning: The manager is a footballing terrorist. Unless you happen to be a fan of the club, in which case the term to be used is ‘sufferball’.

PPDA

Official definition: Progressive passes per defensive action.
Actual meaning: Nobody knows what this is. Feel free to use it, secure in the knowledge that nobody can correct you.

THE BIG MATCH

Not sure which club to support? These questions will help match your vibe with your tribe

1. DESCRIBE YOUR IDEAL SUMMER VACATION

a) You have no idea what an ideal vacation is, so you book 20 different trips. At least one of these will be fun.
b) You don’t go on vacations. You convince the vacation that it deserves you.
c) You pour hours into research, study cloud patterns and wind behaviour to predict the weather, but forget to pack accordingly. You spend two miserable weeks in the rain.
d) What’s a summer vacation when you’re on holiday 12 months a year?
e) You don’t go anywhere. You instead think of the great holidays you used to have 20 years ago.
f) You book an extravagant trip, beautifully detailed, covering all your dream spots. You’re told you can’t afford it, so you sleep on a friend’s couch.

2. IT’S YOUR BEST FRIEND’S BIRTHDAY. WHAT WILL YOU GET FOR THEM?

a) You find out what everybody else plans to get, then get a premium version of the same thing.
b) You show up. That’s the gift.
c) You check their Instagram posts going back five years, then check in with their parents to cross reference your observations. By the time you identify the perfect gift, the birthday is over.
d) They tell you what they want.
e) You get them the same thing you’ve been giving them every year for the past 15 years.
f) You tell them you have something massive planned. You spend the party asking people if they can lend you some cash.

3. YOUR TV STOPS WORKING. YOU?

a) Immediately buy the most expensive model available. You later learn that the old TV simply wasn’t plugged in.
b) Stare at it long enough and hard enough that it comes back to life.
c) Spend the next several days on Reddit forums checking the latest technology. You reject all of them because nothing fits your process.
d) Petition the TV company to send you a new model by convincing them that it’s their fault.
e) Get an older model because they just don’t make good TVs anymore.
f) Are told you can’t afford a TV. You sell your house to buy one.

If you answer mostly

a's you are Chelsea;
b) Real Madrid;
c) Arsenal;
d) Paris Saint-Germain;
e) Manchester United;
f) Barcelona