Empathy is not what you think it is—and that’s why it matters

Early in my career, I was part of a team where the real decisions and the real trust-building happened in informal settings, in unstructured moments when people stepped away together. I wasn’t part of those moments, not because I was not invited, but because those spaces operated on rhythms I did not naturally share. Over time, I realised I was working at the periphery of where trust and alignment were actually being built. The relationships that shaped how we collaborated, and the conversations that influenced how decisions were made, were forming without me. At that point, I made a deliberate choice: To meet my colleagues where they were and to step into those spaces rather than expect them to adapt to me. That decision changed everything. What I came to realise was that there was no intentional exclusion, simply diverse ways of connecting. Once I adapted to those dynamics, it unlocked stronger relationships, deeper trust, and partnerships that have endured well beyond that phase of my career. That experience fundamentally shaped my view of empathy. Empathy is not just awareness or intent. It is a deliberate leadership choice; to show up where others are, even when those spaces were not designed with you in mind.

For years, I understood empathy was about being compassionate, understanding, and accommodating. My reflection on the corporate world, especially for women, is that empathy is seen as something we were naturally good at and, therefore, something expected of us. And yet, there is a peculiar reality: the same quality is often perceived as a limitation. When empathy is seen primarily as a ‘soft skill,’ as something inherently feminine, it gets read differently than when a man demonstrates it. Over time, I have learnt to deliberately reframe empathy not as accommodation but as insight, not as softness but as strength.

This also means that one needs to unlearn the simplified version. Empathy isn’t weakness. It is not about sacrificing standards to come across a certain way. Empathy is about having the clarity to see how decisions, cultures, and systems affect people and the courage to act on that understanding.


But here is what complicates this further: there is no single definition of empathy that works across the room anymore. And the common currency that ties it all together is trust.

Trust is not built through policies or announcements. It is built when people feel genuinely understood, when they believe you see them not as abstractions in an org chart but as human beings navigating their own worlds. And that understanding must be earned by showing up in the spaces where trust forms. This is where empathy becomes operational. When teams trust their leaders, communication becomes honest. Collaboration becomes faster. People raise risks early instead of hiding them. People contribute ideas instead of just executing instructions. Psychological safety emerges, and that’s where innovation lives.

But real empathy is not a one-size-fits-all playbook. It is meeting people where they are, understanding what shaped them, and creating the conditions for them to perform at their best.

In my experience leading across various roles in the healthcare and life sciences sector, I have seen that the organisations that move fastest are not the ones with the most rigid systems. They are the ones where leaders have taken the time to understand their people’s ecosystems, their pressures, their aspirations, and built cultures around that understanding.

This is especially critical at senior levels. As leaders grow into larger roles, the temptation is to grow distant, to lead from data and dashboards instead of from understanding. But that’s precisely where empathy becomes a strategic imperative. Senior decisions do not just move numbers; they shape whether people feel valued, whether they believe in the organisation’s direction, or whether they choose to stay or leave.

The India we are building right now, particularly in sectors like healthcare and life sciences demands this kind of leadership. We have talent, innovation, and purpose converging in remarkable ways. But we also have diverse contexts and ecosystems that no single playbook can address.

The leaders who will build sustainable success here are not choosing between empathy and performance. They are integrating both. They are showing up in contexts where their people gather naturally. They are understanding that everyone, whether a woman in a male-dominated space, an employee at any level in a hierarchical organisation, or a team navigating global structures, is navigating their own ecosystem. Your role is not to ask them to change it. It is to understand, respect, and lead with that awareness.

That is not a trade-off. That is integration. And in a world moving at this pace, with this much complexity, it is essential.

The author is Country Speaker for Merck India & Managing Director, Merck Specialties Pvt Ltd. Views are personal.