Humans in hamams

In the bathhouse (hamam) of the world, everybody is said to be unclad. Beneath our variety of roles and robes, we are all alike, subject to the infirmities of the flesh and will. But can such collective proclivity be conflated into individual culpability? Not really. Some commentators have sought to do to this by holding the entire media guilty of excess in the recent case of a scribe alleging sexual assault committed by her superior.

The difference between what one is capable of doing and what one actually does is absolutely crucial. We are all capable of desiring things, even things proscribed by convention, social custom and law. But mere thinking or fantasising about prohibited behaviour is not criminal.

But it is not guilt-free either! Getting real about such ‘virtual’ feelings of guilt involves detachment and self-compassion.

The pursuit of fulfilment often leads us to imagine things that aren’t real. We create mental phantoms that whisper to our inner ears what we want to hear. But these are all apparitions of our own making.

We can learn to liberate ourselves from the falsehoods of our cravings and fantasies only by being brutally honest with our thoughts and feelings and by respecting other people’s humanity and vulnerability. This could also explain why the renowned psychoanalyst Otto Kernberg once described love as “the revelation of the other person’s freedom”!

Also, as the great Buddhist master Sri Padmasamhava said, “Look into the nature of desire with equanimity: this leads to boundless light.”