Attachment and love

Is it possible to love someone deeply without being attached? 'Attachment isn't love - it's fear wearing love's disguise,' points out Ajahn Kavi, Thai Buddhist monk. Loving someone truly is unconditional love that is expectations-free and genuine, whereas being attached to someone and then describing that as love is really something else. An adult offspring who fears losing her parent is, in fact, insecure about her future - 'What if mom dies and I am left to fend for myself? How do I know if she will have provided for my future if she suddenly exits this world? Should I not be given my inheritance even while she is living?' A child who thinks this way but confuses this feeling of insecurity and attachment for love, causes more angst and discomfort to the parent who is perhaps trying to cope with an illness and sorting her finances and relationships. Hounding a sick person with a barrage of questions regarding inheritance matters is abominable behaviour.

In unconditional love, you put the person you love, first. Their care and comfort and their wishes are what concern you, not what you might get from them. Selfless love is true love. Attachment makes you manipulative; you try to control the person you supposedly love, which is the opposite of what you ought to do. The person being loved ought to feel free and comfortable in your presence. Attachment is never permanent; once you get what you want, your attachment may turn to indifference and even neglect. Whereas in love, nothing changes; it is comforting, healing and peaceful.