Zombie voters who choose not to vote

There's monsoon warnings. And then there is election season warnings. The WhatsApp forwards and inter-balcony rants have started with impending polls in the non-Scandinavian land of Bihar. This year, the newest guardians of electoral integrity are none other than the professionally apathetic: those who treat voting day like an annual spa retreat, complete with self-care and zero civic engagement. Yet here they are, ferociously indignant that names-fake, fictional and dearly departed-have mysteriously vanished from the voter list. RWA Uncle, who passed in 2004 (and voted twice since) didn't make the cut. 'A travesty,' says his Bandra neighbour who's never seen an EVM outside the internet.

Those decrying ghost voter purges haven't cast a vote since college, when the student council election was bribed with samosas. Now, they demand accountability and transparency from a system they treat with the reverence of a mall discount. Granted, 'I'm not voting. But if I did, I'd be outraged!' is an argument. People do have the right to boycott a gym that they never visit anyway. So, if you're more upset about your fictional cousin being left off the list, or that a dog has made it by having an ID than your own absence from the poll booth, maybe democracy isn't broken. Perhaps, it's just socially awkward. Long live the zombies. Just don't let them vote.