We had got things so wrong on pollution

On Monday morning, we hit our collective head 150 times against the wall - neither head nor wall being proverbial - for not having realised all this while what was staring in our collective face: Indians, at least in India, have self-harm bundled in our DNA. Every run-up to Diwali, we write anodyne commentaries with prissily-plucked adjectives to warn readers of the consequences of bursting firecrackers. The logic isn't too labyrinthine: bursting firecrackers causes smoke and fumes laden with toxic chemicals that linger in the air, which, in turn, make breathing difficult, in certain places causing choking conditions. But the fireworks continue - the activity overwhelmingly presented as cultural haq. What we did not consider was that making our cities cesspools of choke has been our intention all along.

Silly us somehow thought all this while that creating pollution on this scale cuts into achhe din and all that stuff. Day after Diwali, 99 of the world's 100 most polluted cities by AQI levels were in India. This, we now realise, is a matter of pride for us, not shame - the only irritant being Lahore, coming in 15th, pissing on our pollution parade. See why we can never be friends with Pakistan?! Outsiders already knew India's genius for self-harm. Finally, the paisa has also dropped for us: being mass suicidal brings us unbridled joy.