Trump's surprise IPL intervention

After 17 excruciating seasons of heartbreak, Royal Challengers Bengaluru are IPL champs. Credit must go to… the team? Coach Andy Flower? Virat Kohli? RCB’s unwavering fans? No, no, no, and no. Credit must go to Donald Trump. POTUS humbly shared the fact that, despite pronouncing the sport as ‘cree-ket’, it was he who had suggested that the other teams ensure RCB wins this time, because ‘they’ve been losers for so long’. He elaborated his intervention: ‘I know cricket, probably better than anyone. Many people are saying, I got this done for Kohli. Great guy. Beautiful player. He was suffering, folks. Seventeen seasons.

Sad. Even Biden won once, so what if by stealing the vote. So, I made some calls, some very important calls. Now, look at him — my good friend Virat, he’s IPL world champion.’ Sure, there have been some denials about Trump’s latest claim. But truth and/or politeness are making these refutations evaporate. There is talk that Don (unrelated to Bradman) is preparing an executive order that will ban the LBW appeal. ‘Enough pandering has been done to the LBWGBT+ community in our institutions, IPL included.

This will stop,’ said the man. Meanwhile, Kohli & Ko. have, since their victory, been spotted making celebratory gestures resembling the umpire’s sign for ‘wide ball’ while exclaiming ‘Beautiful. Beautiful. We’re so beautiful.’