Trade and tariffs, the new 'Russian' classic

In Tolstoy's War and Peace, men duel over honour, empires collapse, and everyone speaks French for no rhyme or reason. In Woody Allen's Love and Death, his 'homage' to Tolstoy's W&P and other works from Russia's 'golden age' of literature, the same happens, except with more neurosis and fewer horses. Now, there's a new sequel: Trade and Tariffs. In T&T, sabres are replaced with Excel sheets and existential dread with economic anxiety. It's Woody's L&T, but with far less love and more death... of global trade agreements with a Napoleonic-era Donaldski shouting 'Charge!' and 'Vive le moi!' alternately.

Imagine Boris, a humble soybean farmer from Iowa, who wakes up one morning to discover his soybeans are now considered a weapon of mass disruption. He just wanted to MTGA - Make Tofu Great Again. But with China retaliating to Trump's 'retaliatory tariffs' by slapping a 25% tariff on his legumes, Boris is as good as Johnson. In L&T, Boris is conscripted into war despite being a pacifist with a fear of loud noises and commitment. In T&T, Boris is conscripted into economic warfare, armed with a harvester and vague understanding of Nafta. Tolstoy gave us sweeping battles and deep monologues. Woody gave us jokes about wheat and the Grim Reaper. Today's T&T feels like a saga of bad breakups doubling as a wooing scheme. And nobody's speaking French.