The parasitic life of Reporti Instigatorus: Unveiling the disruptive behavior of noxious journos

[In the latest episode of a new documentary on human wildlife, David Attenborough - or, at least, a David Attenborough soundalike - explored the behaviour of the noxious journalist, a member of the media species. Here is an excerpt of the transcript.]

You will find the Reporti instigatorus, your everyday noxious journalist, instigating a response from other animals in the habitat in an attempt to disturb the whole ecosystem. Take this particular specimen that, as part of a bigger group, asks the mother of a champion javelin thrower her thoughts about her offspring defeating a fellow Pakistani athlete to win alpha male-of-the-pack status.

You will notice how the 'noxious' attempts to draw out the mother by casually making 'beating a Pakistani' the headline event. The alpha athlete's mother knows better and sidesteps the 'provocatrap' and sends out the message: 'A player is a player. It doesn't matter where he comes from. I am glad that the Pakistani player won as well.' Absolutely fascinating response.


The question that we must ask is, why the noxious journalist, going against all evolutionary logic that makes being decent such a prime tool in an otherwise hostile environment, is so keen to stir others up so much? Who does it serve in the great chain of life in which he plays such an inconsequential role? Yes, this is parasitic life.