The forever-present participle, continued

Welcome to the golden age of announcements, where reality is a first date you try and pass off as your fiancee. We live in a world where everything has 'happened', except it hasn't, yet. Peace in Gaza? Declared, applauded and promptly shelved next to 'Apocalypse has been postponed' sign and all-caps Truth Social announcements. It's the geopolitical equivalent of 'Your order is nearly there' - for the last week. Trump, for instance, announces without batting Marco Rubio's eyelid that India will stop buying oil from Russia. Which is adorable, considering India didn't get the memo. But facts are so last season. What matters is the vibe. And let's not forget the sacred scrolls of modern investment: MoUs. These documents promise billions in investment, thousands of jobs, and a utopia powered by green hydrogen and good intentions. But like gym memberships and New Year's resolutions, they rarely survive past the photo-op. 'We've signed an MoU,' they say, which is not code for 'We've built the factory, hired the staff.'

In a world run by headlines, announcement is achievement. Reality is just a technicality we'll get to eventually - once the next summit, tweet or ceremonial handshake is complete. So, here's to the age of premature celebration. Where the future is always bright, always imminent, and always just one more press release away.