Someone patent the career clairvoyant

In the grand harem of apps nobody asked for but everybody downloads, one is conspicuously absent: the AI career clairvoyant. Come again? It's an algorithm that isolates your top three hidden talents and professions, those you never suspected lurked beneath your proclivity towards things that you're actually not 'proclivious' towards.

The catch?

App accuracy improves as you approach the mystical age of 22, the age when the human pudding 'sets'. Before then, it may suggest 'professional qawwali-clapper' or 'sabzi whisperer'. But once you cross into the hallowed territory of post-adolescence - there's a reason why it's 4 yrs after voting age - the machine sharpens its gaze: suddenly, you're a chosen diplomat, pastry chef or stand-up economist.


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This invention would save humanity from the tyranny of career counsellors armed with clipboards and cliches. Why rely on aptitude tests that insist you're destined for 'management' when an app can reveal your true calling as a hedge fund manager with a gift for wielding gardening shears? The economic implications are profound.

Universities would tremble as students abandon STEM courses for AI-endorsed vocations like 'quantum illustrator' or 'knitter of patterns'. Essentially, people would know what they are good at and should pursue, rather than the current system that keeps taking big, bad guesses.