Shelf that invasive selfie-indulgence

Civilisation has survived plagues, wars and reality television. But it may not survive the obtrusive selfie. The time has come for a Selfie Doctrine, to lay down the rules of dos and (overwhelmingly) don'ts. Rule #1: Thou shalt not whip out thy phone unannounced to ambush a public figure. Snapping a 'doublie' without consent should be treated as a social crime of gulag-able proportions. If you wouldn't suddenly hug a stranger mid-sentence - well, you shouldn't - why would you shove your phone in their face? Rule #2: Thou shalt not take selfies at private events like shradhs. The deceased is not your backdrop. Ditto for ICUs, or while witnessing a riot. Rule #3: Thou shalt not weaponise the selfie stick in crowded places. It is not a jousting lance. Rule #4: Thou shalt not post 47 versions of the same pout. One is indulgence; two is vanity; three is terrorism. The Selfie Doctrine isn't anti-selfie per se. It simply recognises that the world is not your Insta prop, and that other people's faces are not accessories for your feed. Taken without restraint, selfie-serving is cultural vandalism.

So, codify the commandments. Break them, and you don't just risk unfollows but exile to RWA dinners and kitty parties. Because, in the end, civilisation may not collapse under climate change or AI, but under the sheer weight of invasive puckered faces.