Paupacy, the new trending faith

Some of us may be following the news to figure out who the next pope will be. Trump has joked that he's his first choice, a matter not to be taken lightly since he once said something similar about the American presidency. But apart from Vatican's vendors congregating to choose Catholicism's new boss man (women need not apply just yet), there's a new religion emerging in the form of... the paupacy. In a world obsessed with GDP and dosh, looking rich and posh, this countercultural movement is gaining followers. Believers of impoverishment flaunt their wealth of nothing. The paupacy thrives on the motto: less is more, especially when you've got less than less. Their spiritual leader, His Brokest Holiness, is the anti-elite elite, celebrated for his mastery of loopholes in budget airlines' carry-on luggage policies, and his ability to recycle instant noodle seasoning packets into artisanal rubs.

Paupacists hold gatherings in minimalist spaces like underpasses and tea stalls. Their holy relics include expired credit cards and frequent-flyer miles. The holy paupacy even boasts an anthem: a soulful rendition of the sound your wallet makes when turned inside out. Critics might call it satire, but paupacists argue they've redefined luxury. The rich are now trying to buy into the paupacy. But, sorry, boss, exclusivity's reserved for the truly penniless.