Marathon, cyclothon, it's a gas, gas, gas

In a dazzling display of athletic masochism and bureaucratic denial, Delhi's lungs were treated to a triathlon of irony this weekend. Sekhon IAF Marathon, Fit India Sunday on Cycle, and a bonus cyclothon were all flagged off with great fanfare - by celebrities who presumably arrived in air-sealed vehicles and left before their bronchioles could file for asylum.

Participants bravely jogged through a haze so thick, it could be sliced and served as smog cake. With AQI levels soaring between 350 (very poor) and 420 (severe), runners and cyclists pretending that by running and cycling, they'll be instantly transported, at least for a short while, to London and Amsterdam, showed the enthusiasm of masochists.

Social media, inflammable anyway, exploded, naturally. One user asked, 'Marathon in Delhi? In a gas chamber?' Another wondered if the organisers were auditioning for a dystopian Olympics.


What next? Swimming while smoking? Hookah hockey neighbourhood tournaments? But, then, who needs oxygen when you've got enthusiasm, patriotism, endorphins, and a selfie with Shefali Shah and Huma Qureshi? Delhi doesn't just host a race, it hosts respiratory roulette.

And if you're one of those who survived the finish line without coughing up a lung, congratulations: you're now eligible for the next event - hide-and-seek in a coal mine. All for a healthy nation.