It's war! This one's between other apes

In a world transfixed by a war whose origins remain murky, and whose end is TBD, the last thing anyone wants is more war news. But plot twist: humans haven't cornered the market on being terrible to each other. A long-term study in Uganda's Kibale National Park has documented the first-ever chimpanzee 'civil war'.

The story, as with any war, is a classic tale of 'it's complicated'. The massive Ngogo group - once the undisputed Roman Empire of the jungle - suffered a catastrophic vibe shift around 2015 after key figures died. By 2018, the chimp community formed two distinct factions and began sustained, coordinated attacks. Group conflict among non-human animals from mongooses to monkeys is well known. But lethal conflict among groups of animals once socially affiliated has not previously been observed outside of humans.

Scientists argue this primate bloodbath mirrors the darkest dynamics seen in human societies, offering a depressing insight into the evolutionary roots of war. Essentially, we've spent centuries thinking our capacity for organised betrayal made us sophisticated. In reality, we're just hairless apes who replaced poop-flinging with tactical drone strikes on the enemy. It's comforting, in a nihilistic sort of way, to know that if we ever do blow ourselves up, the chimps are already warmed up and ready to take over the franchise.