If War Had a Playlist: How music could hijack the battlefield

Imagine in this age of war - and it is an age of war, even if you think it wasn't - missiles streaking across skies. In all this, suddenly, Pete Hegseth, TV anchorman-turned-American fightboy, pretending that playing the video game 'Call of Duty' is real-world activity. Imagine, too, he and his ilk being interrupted by a brass band blaring 'La Bamba'.

The artillery crews drop their shells to clap and caramba along. Sure, it sounds inane. But has anyone, actually, honestly tried it? If music can make toddlers stop crying, surely, it can make embarrassing bullies stop bombing? Picture Iran and the US locked in a karaoke duel: Masoud Pezeshkian crooning 'Meet Na Mila Re Man Ka', while his counterpart belts 'Sweet Caroline'.

The audience, comprising bewildered soldiers, realises that the only thing worth fighting for is the microphone. War thrives on rhythm - propaganda, marching boots, droning drones.... So, why not hijack that rhythm? Replace the marching cadence with syncopated riffs. And, suddenly, IRGC and US Army platoons are too busy improvising to fight anyone.


Of course, cynics will scoff: 'Music, you hippies, can't stop war!' But regardless of what 20th-c. idiots like P Hegseth and D Trump think, let's prescribe playlists for the forces. If they still insist on fighting, nail those earphones on. And watch world peace drop like gentle snow.