How to play God (Clue: First be devil)

If there's one lesson that Prof Trump of Mar-La-Go University is teaching us effectively, it's that true enterprise isn't about avoiding problems - it's about creating them, then swooping in to save the day. This is the wise Don's curveball lecture, and the stock market is his most enthusiastic student. By first upping China tariffs to Grand Canyon heights, and also threatening to see Fed chairman Jerome Powell to the door, Trump had created a sea of furrowed brows and a rush of Xanax prescriptions. Now, by stating that he'll soon bring down tariffs against China 'substantially' and planned to be 'very nice' to Beijing during trade talks, he's brought joy to the desperation he had created. In his rollercoaster raj, he also now stated that he had 'no intention' of firing Powell. This is Backdoor Messiah Solutions 101.

Step one: manufacture a problem - like inventors of 'time-saving solutions' who first convince us we don't have time. Step two: unveil the 'solution'. And watch everyone throw confetti in hope, joy and gratitude. A doctor curing you of the disease he infected you with in the first place is genius bundling-branding. This crafty cycle of chaos and rescue fuels economies, careers and endless PowerPoint presentations. So, as the Dow climbs after having slid, remember: control your saviour status by calibrating the chaos.