Go on, weaponise your incompetence: From today until Diwali, pretend you can't do things right

So, you should be dropping a gear or two and taking it easy as this festive season kicks off today. But we reckon that's not enough. We have a modest proposal this year: between now and Diwali, embrace that splendid management technique known as 'weaponised incompetence'. Traditionally, this has been the preserve of the Indian man-child, who simulates the inability to do things with base-level competence just to get out of doing it, like 'helping out in the kitchen' only to quickly make it a disaster site. The point is to convert inability into exemption.

But why should men monopolise this remarkable productivity hack? Women should also discover an inability to coordinate family gatherings, to follow their children's routine, to check the bank balance. On the gender-neutral front, even bosses can claim an inability to understand long-winded emails, though distinguishing this from normal behaviour could prove difficult. Weaponised incompetence reduces workloads, eliminates unreasonable expectations, and transfers responsibility to whichever unfortunate individual still demonstrates proficiency. The festival economy runs on consumption. Why not consume leisure rather than labour? Until Diwali, incompetence should be celebrated as an instrument of collective emancipation. Nothing says festive freedom quite like somebody else doing the work.