Do it, Trumpullah, tariff the Taliban!

On Sunday, Afghanistan's ruling Taliban administration refused to return, in their words (but, of course, in Pushtu) 'even an inch' of Bagram Airport to the US that the latter had given back to the Afghan state four years ago when US troops decamped the country. Truth is, the person doing the asking - Don-al-Trumpullah - didn't ask politely. His response to Kabul's 'Go fly a kite' was even less polite: 'If Afghanistan doesn't give Bagram Airbase back to those that built it, the United States of America, BAD THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN!!!' (His all-caps and triple exclamation marks.) If building a place meant having rights in perpetuity to it, ah, the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Atlantic City would have continued before its closure in 2016 to be Trump Taj Mahal.

May we suggest Trumpullah show the Taliban their place by slapping an 80%, no, 180%, tariff on Afghan exports to the US. That would mean the Afghan carpets, dried fruit and handcrafted goat bell industry shuddering. A $20 bag of Herat kishmish would then cost $56. If the US doesn't get Bagram - since Greenland seems currently off the table - he'll make Afghans pay with their pistachios. Heroin, Afghan's top export to the US, unfortunately isn't (officially) exported, to start with, so.... An outright export ban on black turbans and Soviet-era Kalashnikovs on top of tariffs should do the trick.