Dealing with today, a.k.a., not a weekend

Let's begin with a collective truth: Monday is not a day. It's the tax you pay for having a weekend. A backlash for that one glorious moment on Sunday afternoon when you briefly forgot about emails, meetings and Vivek from HR who says 'per my last email' like it's a personal vendetta. So, how does one navigate this tragic weekly reboot?

Lower your standards You're not conquering the world today. If you manage coffee without crying into it, you're doing better than 83% of the population (statistically unverifiable but emotionally accurate).

Weaponise irony Arrive at work with an aggressively cheerful look while listening to New Order's 'Happy Monday' on earphones. That will make you look like you're not dead inside. It'll confuse your enemies. Maybe even Vivek of HR.


Strategic delusion Tell yourself this is the week you'll get organised. That this to-do list won't end like the last one: to-didn't work out. Lie to yourself, boldly.

Reward-based motivation Dangle tiny pleasures in front of yourself like a carrot in front of a depressed donkey. Post-lunch samosas. Rage-scrolling memes. Planning your Friday outfit on Monday. Whatever works.

And if none of this helps, remember: Monday is the universe's way of reminding you that happiness is fleeting and spreadsheets are forever. Embrace the chaos - especially when it comes next Friday.