'Who’s your daddy?': The trade deal Trump missed

In a sideshow that could have been produced by a toddler hopped up on Red Bull, Don 'the Chump' Trump reportedly launched what experts are calling the 'Big Daddy of All Sulks' after India and the EU signed an FTA without inviting him to even oversee the deal - or rewrite the agreement in crayon. 'SO CUTE!' he squealed on social media, mocking the deal like a jealous prom king watching an ex slow-dance with Brussels. The post, it turns out, is made-up. But we love it.

Dripping with baby emojis and all MAGA caps, it accused Ursula von der Leyen - whom he calls ''Lying' Ursula' for some reason - and India (without naming his 'good friend') of 'playing house' while he, self-declared 'DADDY', was busy 'making America RICH again!' by levying tariffs like they were Pokemon cards.

The fake kindergarten bawling stems from the fact that India and the EU are playing ball, while Trump insists on rules where America wins regardless of where the goalposts are. The chap in the post demanded a '50% Daddy Tax' before any deal could be signed, presumably payable in MAGA caps and Mar-a-Lago coupons.


But India, quite the polite guest, has sashayed past the real Donald Tantrum and into Brussels, leaving Bubba to sulk in the Oval Office tweeting into the baby monitor. As the world moves forward, Don Don keeps squalling from his playpen. Someone, give the real boy-man a pacifier?