All hail Ayatollah Torampzadeh?

You. Cannot. Make. This. Up. Donald Trump's latest revelation - that the Iranian leadership apparently offered him the post of 'supreme leader' - deserves its own chapter and verse in the Bible of Bubba. Speaking at the annual National Republican Congressional Committee (NRCC) fundraising dinner on Wednesday, the man who could have been Donalod Torampzadeh - had he not, by his own telling, declined - was not delivering a twist on an old Persian joke. He was dead serious. But who can tell? And, more importantly, who can tell that he actually turned down the 'offer' and is not, as you read this, Ayatollah Torampzadeh, a refreshing break from the Khomenei-Khamenei lot.

When it comes to qualifications for the job, Donalod certainly qualifies. Open misogyny, check. Delusions of grandeur, check. Bigotry chic, check. Daddy issues, check. Even his supposed 'No, thanks,' to the supposed offer sounds like theocratic propaganda, where he's paraphrasing that Palestinian Jew in the Book of Numbers, Yehoshua: 'I am not able to bear all this people alone, because it is too heavy for me.' Meanwhile, the possibility of a swap having taken place, with Ayatollah Torampzadeh ruling from Tehran with an iron grip, and Mojtaba Khamenei as POTUS, also ruling with an iron grip, can no longer be treated as the stuff that goes into fertilisers. Supreme leaders may have cut a deal.