A case for post-lunch newspaper ruffling

Forget the ritual of engaging with headlines in the morning when your coffee still tastes like regret. Morning newspaper-reading is all very well. But let's face it, it's more self-induced prep than 21st-c. pleasure. The real renaissance of the print medium lies in going through the paper in the afternoon. A post-lunch digest that pairs perfectly with that period between meetings and, well, meetings, and a sated brain. Say, you've just demolished a plate of biryani or a suspiciously limp salad. Your eyelids droop, your inbox mocks you, and your boss is still on mute in yet another Zoom call. Enter an afternoon date with the newspaper, a foldable excuse to turn that graveyard shift into a pleasurable information and opinion spa. Instead of doomscrolling, you can turn a page as it makes that unparalleled crinkle sound.

Afternoon reading also solves the existential crisis of the morning schedule. Why rush to consume 'breaking news' at 7 o'clock, when it's perfectly broken and served by lunchtime the next day? By then, scandals have matured, markets have settled, and politicians have contradicted themselves at least twice. Flux is for the mob. A paper framed by margins is for the truly opinionated. Postprandial newspaper reading is the intellectual equivalent of ordering an espresso at 3 pm. And it will, indeed, Make Afternoons Great Again.