Post Coalgate, coal as valuable as gold

Converting coal into diamonds would, one would think, be simple: after all, both are different forms of carbon. But that is a problem for science to crack. Converting porous, light and dark coal into shining yellow heavy metal is nothing short of magic or, more precisely, a specific subset of it, alchemy. Alchemy is the dark art of converting base materials into gold. This pursuit has consumed the passion, energy and very life of many a bright man. But no alchemist has ever found success. That is, till the CAG unleashed Coalgate. Netas might be all left feet when it comes to articulating the popular will in the corridors of power, but they turn as agile and nimble as a ballerina when they see an opportunity to do in their opponent, whether by means fair or foul. And so it was that alchemy finally found success when our netas converted coal into pure gold.

Some, of course, don’t have time for figures of speech, these hard realists convert coal into literal gold, through a process called allocation of mines via screening committee. These alchemists are to be found in all parties. Some others are literary rather than literal. They convert coal into political gold, in which case you have metaphor rather than metal. From poetry to poetic licence is a small step that translates into a giant leap forward for the Opposition and into the pits for the economy. Figures with oodles of numbers as undue gain for allottees, said the CAG. The said licence converts this into a symmetric loss to the exchequer. As if under some rarefied regime, all miners would have handed over to the exchequer the entire value of all they mined. Why allow bald logic to gum up the fine carbon fibre being spun into a web that glitters, even if it is of deception? Let white become black and black, yellow. Let alchemy notch up its first success.