Mayawati creates history

The Uttar Pradesh chief minister’s latest move would be considered unusual even in a country with a monarchial tradition like Britain, whose spies are said to be On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (OHMSS). If the British parliament adopted a bill like the one recently moved by the UP government, OHMSS could even stand for On Her Majesty’s Statue Service! A special task force (STF) of 1,000 policemen is to be set up to guard the 10 memorials in UP — 9 in Lucknow, one in Noida — featuring Mayawati’s statues along with those of Ambedkar and Kanshi Ram.

The Supreme Court had stayed the construction of more such memorials, responding to a petition alleging expenditure of crores of rupees of public money on these statues. UP, whose ratio of policemen per every 100,000 people is among the lowest in India, will now have the world’s best ratio for cops protecting statues, especially those of Ms Mayawati, who could cite Opposition leader Mulayam Singh’s threat to pull down the statues, if his party regained power, to defend the new force.

Mayawati’s advisers could well ask whether a squad of 1,000 cops is alone enough to protect these statues from all those harbouring nefarious designs. For instance, can a land-based force foil pigeons which relieve thermselves on statues in even the most developed nations? The historic statue in London’s Trafalgar Square has to be scrubbed to remove traces of bird droppings so often that, four decades ago, the wife of the then British prime minister Harold Wilson wrote a poem which began, "They are cleaning Lord Nelson".

If Lucknow’s pigeons are as poorly toilet-trained as their London counterparts, the only way to maintain the pristine purity of the Mayawati memorials would be to have a mini air-force of pilots in planes to chase away approaching birds. Competitions could be held to decide which is the cleanest memorial and the officer in charge could be fast-tracked for promotion!