Our morally AAP-right mantriji

NEW DELHI: What's the use of being a law minister if you can't be a law unto yourself? That seems to have been the war cry of AAP law minister for Delhi, Somnath Bharti, as, brandishing a jhadoo like the flaming sword of an avenging angel, he swooped down to sweep away sex rings said to be flourishing in some parts of the city. The Chief Vigilante Officer (CVO) of the law ministry said: "You have heard of witness for the prosecution. Our mantriji has created a new legal entity for himself: Witness for the Prostitution. He has vowed to stamp out prostitution wherever he witnesses it."

And the eagle eye of the law minister seemed to witness evidence of sex-for-sale almost everywhere. At all traffic lights, for example. His party having banned lal battis from official vehicles, the minister was contemplating banning all lal battis on traffic lights. An AAP spokesperson explained the law minister's stand: "After all, what is a lal batti but a red light, and everyone knows what a red light area is. It is scandalous that red light areas should be operating under the very nose of the police."

In the meantime, the minister had unearthed another vice racket, this time in the groves of academe. It had been brought to the attention of the Delhi law minister that universities functioning in the Capital openly espoused the promotion of sleaze. "Tell me, what is the job of a vice-chancellor but to encourage all manner of vice among students and faculty members?" asked the law ministry CVO at a public rally, to repeated cries of "Shame, shame!" from AAP members.

Public telephone booths which advertised STD facilities also come under the law ministry's scanner. "Even a child knows what STD stands for: Sexually transmitted disease," said the CVO, and added that all places that displayed these objectionable signs would be shut down with immediate effect.

The law minister also announced that henceforth all those who applied for membership to AAP would have to prove their moral credentials by obtaining a certificate from the relevant authority - namely, the law minister himself - that they had succeeded in reforming and rehabilitating at least one person engaged in the sex trade. The catchy slogan for the campaign would be: "Play your part, save a tart." A more muscular variation would be: "Don't be a wimp, sock it to a pimp."

In a related development, on hearing the news that thanks to the cold wave gripping much of northwest India many places had recorded hoar frost, the minister immediately dispatched a vigilante squad to the afflicted areas. "You can't fool me," said the minister. "No matter how you spell it, a hoar is a whore, and I'll not put AAP with any of that nonsense."