Indian citizenship debate: Satirical take on passport proof row

In a devilishly clever move to shore up the plunging value of Indian citizenship, GoI has quietly let loose a pigeon among the cats. Last Wednesday, in a gathering of people you only encounter when you have to renew your passport to get your Aadhaar card details changed so that you can get a new gas connection, the ministry of external affairs - whose job is to track affairs Indians may be carrying out with other nationals, despite being married to the country that's saare jahan se achha - deployed one of their operatives to slip out the fact that an Indian passport is not proof of Indian citizenship.

Now, many bona fide passport-holders have gone bonkers about the matter-of-fact fact being let out. Suddenly, they find their Indian citizenship, which they never really thought twice about, to be as solid as a NEET exam paper. But they miss the sheer genius in the MEA strategy. After all, would you rather be a member of a club that desperately wants you? Or do you hanker for membership of one like, say, Delhi Gymkhana Club, that blathers on about its value of being 'No ayahs, no drivers near the pool area' snooty and exclusive?

Indian citizenship hasn't been seeing much of achhe din of late. Despite border control personnel in other 'inviting' countries being as welcoming as Himanta Biswa Sarma may be to people whose preferred sartorial choice is the lungi, Indians relinquishing their citizenship by the only empirical means possible - opting for citizenship of another country - is higher than ever before.


Over 2 lakh Indians have been voluntarily renouncing their Indian citizenship every year to become a foreign national, with over 9 lakh Indians giving up their passports in the last 5 years. 2022 saw a record high of 2,25,620 Indian passports being dumped in favour of another country's, making Indians the No. 1 nationality choosing to become citizens of OECD countries, Trump-welcoming US still being top destination.

Now, this may strike as being odd for citizens of a country that is so beautiful, so elegant, just looking like a wow! But it is what it is.

And in this landscape of delulu desis lining up to jump INS Hindustan, MEA's delightful strategy to highlight the ambiguous, indeed non-dual Advaitic nature of Indian citizenship has already made wobbling wannabe-NRIs think twice. 'Why would I give up my citizenship if I'm unsure about my citizenship in the first place?!' is a refrain doing the rounds across the secular, socialist republic. This is a variation of the Veblen effect - where the demand for an item actually increases as it's made to be more scarce - in action.

But I see utter ambiguity (read: strategic confusion) about being an Indian citizen to be a wonderful boon. Whenever you're asked about your nationality - at the airport, bank, or while buying samosas from a particularly patriotic shop - you can always flit in an out of 'being Indian,' 'Gujarati', 'Lower Pareli,' or, if you have enough knowledge about the place, 'Norwegian of Indian origin'. It keeps your heart healthy, mind sharp, and the notion of 'Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam' thrillingly alive as a living bumper sticker, rather than a line a Vishwaguru pigeon would say at an international gathering.

If you're not sure you're an Indian citizen, you can reinvent yourself daily: Bengali poet on Monday, Punjabi bhangra dancer on Tuesday, Gujarati garba enthusiast by Friday. Who's going to peg you into one silly Government of India-doled out document?

Not being a convincing Indian citizen can also open up doors abroad. Insist - starting with yourself - that you're Sri Lankan, and no one will look at you suspiciously of having the tendency to suddenly break into song and dance in front of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

Here at home, if you're no longer sure you're Indian, why be sure you owe taxes? The I-T Department may disagree, but philosophical-bureaucratic doubt is a powerful shield.

And if you vote 'wrong' (read: the losing party), hey, does your 'wrong' vote even count?

But above all, not being pegged down by Indian citizenship gives you a mysterious status. 'He's such an international man of mystery,' your fellow building society residents whisper, as they see you sip on your IMFL sitting in your territorially independent balcony that happens to be in India.