Gurgaon’s monkey problem has a new celebrity

Recently, while returning from a wet literary soiree, I was struck by a wondrous sight. On the walls of my apartment building in Gurgaon, spotlit in neon, a 6x4 ft image of a fierce, yet dolorous, langur had suddenly manifested. I was so stunned that I spent a few minutes in complete adoration. Going back and forth for a better angle, I finally retreated and sat down on an iron bench in front of the lobby entrance.

Soon the night guard, Ombir, joined me. He smiled and said. 'It is so lifelike, isn't it, sir-ji'

'Yes,' I agreed, 'but why this Hanuman-ji?'


'For the monkeys, sir-ji. They are terrified of langurs. After seeing this poster, they won't visit our society.'

He added, 'Babulal's rates are high this season. More monkeys are coming out of the Aravallis. We can't afford him anymore, the president has said.'

'Who's Babulal?'

'Babulal is the langur we get from Badshahpur. His rates are now ₹5,000 for 3 hours, along with half a dozen carrots and three radishes.'

'That's not much. Even langurs need to eat, surely. Karamchand in my childhood loved carrots.'

'It's just that, sir-ji, Dharambir, his malik, is not picking up my phone anymore, because we have not cleared his dues for the last two times.'

'Rocky-ji thought of getting this poster made. I got it done yesterday.' Ombir looked up at the walls admiringly. Rockyji, a chubby 14-year-old, is the president's son. He was chased by a mother monkey after he threw a tennis ball at a baby monkey. The baby monkey took the ball with it to the Aravallis.

'Where did he find this magnificent photograph? On the internet?'

'Oh no, sir, I took it with my iPhone 15 when Babulal spent Christmas with us. I edited the Santa cap off his head.' The guard showed the photo on his phone to me proudly.

'So that's Babulal on the wall?' Yes, Ombir reiterated.

'I thought he looked familiar. Like a celebrity you meet at an airport, but can't place. You are quite the photographer, Ombir, a regular David Bailey. You have captured the aloof-yet-ferocious quality of Babulal perfectly. It's like an author photograph on the back flap of a crime noir. Only the trench coat is missing.'

'Thank you, sir-ji. The print shop owner was also happy. He has printed 100 posters on flex boards. There is quite a demand from Gurgaon societies.'

This is how AI works, I said to myself. Now the picture of Babulal is going to make Babulal redundant. Very soon he would starve in his garret in Badshahpur, and so would Dharambir.

It would have been much better if Ombir had worn a mask of a langur and chased the monkeys, like the UP police did a few years back, chasing robbers and making gunshot sounds - 'thain, thain' - because they had forgotten to carry bullets. This is AI for you. The ultimate jugaad.

'That's all well, Ombir. But have you taken Babulal's consent for the use of his image? Actors like Salman Khan and Akshay Kumar have gone to court over the matter, and the courts have ruled in their favour.'

'Babulal's consent?' Ombir looked horrified. Somone who had never asked for his wife's consent was now supposed to ask for a langur's? His mind reeled at the horror, the horror of it. Overcome, he sat down beside me on the bench.

'Yes, Babulal just might go to court if his posters start appearing all over Gurgaon. After all, in his field of expertise, he's no less a superstar than Salman Khan.'

Planting this seed of anxiety in poor Ombir's mind, which I was sure he would share with the RWA president, I made my way merrily up to my apartment.

P.S. Last week, three men were hired to mimic langur sounds to keep monkeys away from the venue of Badminton World Championships in Delhi. Just saying.