Zen & the art of panda negotiating

At a G20 summit, China proposes a new diplomatic initiative: 'Panda-Based Negotiation'. Each country is assigned a panda. The more cooperative your panda, the more favourable your trade deal.

The US panda eats nothing but burgers. The French panda insists on wine pairings. The Indian panda meditates and levitates.

China's panda? It sits silently, stares into everyone else's soul, and slides a trade agreement across the table that somehow gives China exclusive rights to ports and other national assets of member countries. Everyone signs. No one knows why. The panda nods. The bamboo rustles ominously.


Belt Tightening
A Chinese diplomat explains the Belt and Road Initiative to a confused European mayor. 'It's simple,' he says. 'We build a road from your town to our port. Then we build a belt around your economy. Then we gently guide your policies like a GPS with Chinese characteristics.'

Mayor: What if we don't want the road?

Diplomat: Then we build the road anyway. And send you a complimentary dragon statue.

The mayor later finds his town renamed 'New Xi'an' on Google Maps. The statue is the new mayor.