Out of site, out of mind

At a luxury resort, 50 executives gathered for the annual retreat. They spent the first day defining 'alignment', the second by building consensus about the logo size on slides.

On Day 3, someone introduced a new metric called 'Strategic Resonance' - measuring employee vibes using mood bracelets. The retreat concluded with a keynote titled, 'Vision 2030: Uniting Across Time Zones and Tax Shelters'. Back at HQ, none of the initiatives was implemented. No one knew what they meant.

AIyyo!


A CEO announced, 'We've replaced 40% of our workforce with AI!' The board clapped. Six months later, an AI-powered chatbot hired a forklift driver as chief strategy officer after mistaking his beard for a blockchain credential.

The quarterly report was written entirely in emojis. The only person making sense was the janitor. He hadn't been replaced because the algorithm couldn't mop.

Tittle-Title

Marketing decided 'employee' was outdated. The new term was 'experience contributor'. IT became 'digital empathy engineers'. Janitors were renamed 'sanitation alignment ambassadors'.

Payroll missed two cycles trying to update the software with job titles longer than their tax forms. The only department unaffected? Legal - still called 'legal', because they threatened to trademark their own name.