Microphone summit

At the Climate Summit, microphones dangled like chandeliers. The German delegate spoke earnestly about carbon neutrality, but the mic picked up only his throat-clearing.

The Brazilian delegate shouted 'Deforestation!' - amplified into feedback that sounded like a chainsaw. The Indian delegate leaned in, declared the favourite line 'Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam', and promptly knocked the mic into his teacup. The official minutes recorded: 'Unclear, distorted.'

But the press, as well as the press release, hailed it as 'historic progress'. Living proof that in summitry, static is the true lingua franca.

Traffic Summit

At the Infrastructure Summit, leaders debated traffic norms. The British delegate praised roundabouts, the American demanded freeways, and the Indian proudly declared: 'Our traffic is world-class chaos.'

To demonstrate, he projected live footage of Delhi: cars driving down the opposite way, scooters scratching along footpaths and pedestrians walking down roads, and everyone honking in Morse code.

The delegates applauded, mistaking it for performance art. The final resolution: 'Traffic shall remain a sovereign expression of culture.' The Indian delegate concluded: 'If disruption is key to innovation, we are already leading.' Thus, the summit ended in a jam - both literal and diplomatic.