Lolling on Saturday: Spy over Dubai

India arrests a pigeon near the border, suspecting it's a Pakistani spy. The pigeon is wearing a tiny helmet and carrying an Asia Cup match schedule. Officials interrogate it for hours. Turns out, it's just trying to deliver a message: 'Hasan Nawaz wants Suryakumar Yadav's bat. His keeps breaking under pressure.' The pigeon is released after signing a non-aggression pact and promising to only poop on Australian pitches.

Diplomatic Appeal
Rain threatens to cancel the India-Pakistan match in Dubai. Fans from both sides pray fervently for the rain to stop. UN officials observe this rare moment of unity and propose a new treaty: 'Cricket First, Everything Else Later'. The rain stops. Pakistan bats first. India wins. Peace talks collapse again over a disputed LBW.


O, Yeh Cricketiya
A day before an India-Pak match, a Pakistani analyst claims India's batting is overrated. 'Rinku Singh's cover drive is just colonial hangover,' he says. Next day, Singh scores a century. The analyst is found Googling, 'How to apologise in Sanskritised Hindi'. Meanwhile, an Indian analyst says Fakhar Zaman is too elegant to be dangerous. Zaman hits a 6 so clean, it knocks the analyst's chai off his desk. Both analysts retire to become shayars.